Unlock Your Sacred Soul Coaching Package
Part One: Nurture Your Nervous System
In the beginning of our coaching relationship, I teach you scientifically proven tools to honor your BIG emotions … anxiety, grief, overwhelm. Maybe even shame. Acknowledging and honoring these emotions –emotions that we all have, by the way, even though we rarely talk about them and we’re taught by society to medicate them away- gives you the means to nourish your nervous system … naturally … which allows you to interrupt old patterns and rewire your brain.
With these tools, you will learn to stay present in your resourceful, resilient and amazingly gifted adult self when hard emotions arise, and get tools to nurture your wounded inner child.
Why this matters:
Your heart, your emotions, and your hormones –through your autonomic nervous system [the part of your body that controls all the parts of you that don’t take conscious thought to operate like your digestive system, reproductive system, respiratory system, hormonal system, etc.] play a key role in your overall well-being.
In midlife, as in puberty, our hormones are changing like MAD! All the grief, anger, sadness, etc. that we’ve pushed down and stored in cells in our body –all this backlog of unprocessed emotions that we’ve medicated, spiritually and intellectually bypassed, and numbed ourselves from feeling start to surface around this time of our life. When our emotions aren’t shared and expressed, they get stuck in our bodies, and re-arise in us as symptoms. High levels of cortisol –the stress hormone– are correlated with heart disease, diabetes, autoimmune diseases, etc. These stuck emotions also surface as other symptoms: addiction, anxiety, depression, loneliness, etc. [slide]
In our culture, unfortunately, the usual approach is to prescribe something to soothe us and make us feel better. We seldom ask ourselves –and certainly our doctors rarely ask – “What is out of balance that needs to be changed?” If we look to hormone replacement therapy and anxiety pills for relief without addressing the underlying issues, then even appropriate doses may not help much. And besides, the science shows that your emotions influence your hormones much more than the other way around.
The bottom line is that your heart and your emotions are the most overlooked but powerful transformation tools you have in your own body! And I teach you how to harness them so that you feel ALIVE!
Part Two: Hone Your Unique How of Happiness
Then we move on to uncover the myths we hold about happiness, the “Good Girl” myths society, our families (and our churches) taught us were “the way” to love and belonging, and your most common self-defeating beliefs. In this step you will also begin to uncover your unique gifts, keys to your happiness, and develop a practice that works for you as a ballast to a well-lived, well-loved life … without starting over or doing something drastic, like running off with the UPS Delivery Man.
Why this matters:
Happiness isn’t a knock of good fortune that you must await, like the arrival of your fairy godmother. Neither is it something you must find, like your car keys or that extra cash you knew you put down somewhere to tip the pizza delivery guy. Achieving lasting happiness doesn’t necessarily require digging deep into your childhood, psychoanalyzing your past traumatic experiences, or dissecting your habitual way of relating to others.
The Twelve “Ways” of Happiness
According to the science of happiness, 50% of our happiness is an unmovable setpoint in our genetics, 10% is defined by our circumstances. But 40% is made up of intentional activity! And just like there’s not really one-size-fits-all clothing, there’s totally not a one-size-fits-all set of activities for increasing happiness! Your strategy will be a specific combination of activities that are right for YOU.
Purpose and Core Gifts
Plus … Happiness is not always tied to purpose, but if you’re here, I’m guessing it’s either because you want a more fulfilling life or you’re facing a huge change that may or may not be of your choosing.
It can be tempting to look outside yourself for answers to your purpose, as if the answers were “out there” somewhere. But your purpose is connected to your core gift, which is something that is: uniquely yours, connected to and strengthened by your life experiences – particularly your challenges and your pain. Your purpose is already inside you, waiting to be called on.
Your Core Gift is at the center of who you are, has influenced your past actions—sometimes, maybe even mostly, without you knowing—and can be used as a powerful tool for making decisions about your future.
Your Platoon of Patient Protectors
In this step, we also start to honor and befriend your most common self-defeating beliefs. I call these your Platoon of Persistent Protectors. These beliefs are usually brilliant at their job, which is to keep you safe
We each gather beliefs from a variety of sources, and knit them all together in our minds to try to make a coherent whole picture of the world. Some of those sources are dubious to say the least.
Your parents, no matter how loving they were, also gathered a mixed bag of beliefs, as well as being products of the prevalent social ideas of their generation. Teachers, no matter how well informed, deliver facts that simply go out of date. Just think of how fast science, technology and geography have changed, just in the last generation! Now let’s add human psychology into the equation.
One of our most powerful instincts is survival, and surviving is making sure that we’re acceptable to our tribe. That is to say that we all want to be liked. Mothers actually secrete a hormone that virtually forces them chemically to love their own babies!
So to sum up, as you grew up and as your life has progressed, you’ve created beliefs that not only make some kind of sense to you, but also beliefs that were designed to preserve you.
Your subconscious is programmed to look after you. From that point of view, it’s very easy to understand why someone who has been through … a bad heartbreak let’s say… might decide to believe that love hurts, and might decide to avoid all relationships from then on.
Logically, your mind can see that many people have very happy relationships, and that love wouldn’t be love if it hurt. Losing love may hurt, and without doubt, some people have been hurt by one, or maybe a handful of specific relationships. But your brain, under such circumstances, is programmed to make a general rule out of a specific situation. It’s survival. But in the end it limits your life.
There are many lonely and even bitter people who are growing old without love because of something that happened decades ago. To ensure it’s never repeated, they’ve avoided relationships only to end up hurting themselves with an empty home and a hollow heart.
Our protectors can be so brilliant that they hand off to one another just when you start to get close to revealing them –like they are playing keep away with your inner child.
Uncovering and honoring your own quite brilliant Platoon of Patient Protectors can slow down their game, and ultimately set you free from these outdated beliefs by bringing them into the light of day.
And I’ll be with you each step of the way.
Part Three: Sculpt Your Soul Goals
Once you’ve reached this part of the journey, you’re ready to start sculpting your Soul Goals.
What are Soul Goals(R)?
Soul Goals(R) are different from SMART Goals –the common methodology for goal setting– which are often formed around your “shoulds” and “musturbations.” SMART Goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. SMART Goals are great for short term projects, but they are –by definition– short sighted as well. And they always begin with a clear destination –but your soul goals will always be more nebulous than that because as you grow, you evolve and change … as does the world.
Soul Goals(R) are:
- aligned with your sacred gifts, your values and your sacred desires.
- defined by your OWN version of success –rather than the one you inherited from your parents or picked up from society.
- And they lead you to find the beauty, joy and meaning NOW in your everyday life while also staying aligned to your dreams and desires for the future.
Why this matters:
This is an inverted system –almost everyone tells you to set your goals first, and then you can figure out how to get there. But this means defining your identity by what you do rather than who you are. Soul Goals(R) don’t work that way at all.
Both you AND the world are going to continue to evolve and grow … just think of how much it’s changed in the last decade! If you set a SMART goal when you were 16 that you wanted to be an astronaut and be the first woman to walk on the moon … what would you have done when NASA canceled its space program? Or if your SMART goal was to be a mom before you were 30, but you found out you were infertile, how would you recover from that devastating news?
Soul Goals(R) have a more malleable identity. It’s much more sustainable to identify the features of the pursuits that light you up, to know your unique gifts, and get underneath all the external manifestations and look at the passion and purpose behind them.
Your soul has always been sending you little droplets of serendipity and synchronicity to follow, a little like Hansel & Gretel’s breadcrumbs, or the “yellow brick road.” They help you keep focused on what’s in front of you right now that feeds your spirit and moves you in a direction of growth and happiness.
Soul Goals(R) allow you to build the bridge as you walk on it. And to hold your grief, your fear, and other difficult emotions softly and warmly. To define your OWN version of success –instead of the one you inherited from your parents or picked up from society. There might not be a blueprint in place for what you really want to do, but Soul Goals(R) allow you to create your own.
Soul Goals(R) lead you to a life full of Joy and Laughter. And Purpose. To a place where you feel welcome in your own skin. And whole. They will lead you to a life you BELONG to and LOVE … even when it gets hard and messy. And they allow you to have a MUCH stronger and more loving relationship with time.
These Three Steps:
- Nurture Your Nervous System
- Hone Your Unique How of Happiness
- Sculpt Your Soul Goals
Can Close the Gap between Where You Are Today … and put you on the path to the life of Meaning and Happiness you Want
We tend to look at life as an outcome oriented process. But life is about more than achieving outcomes! As one of my mentors, Francis Weller said, in his book The Wild Edge of Sorrow:
And YOU get to define what aliveness means to you.
I’ll coach you to craft your unique map to a “Happily Ever After” that is based on who you are BEING on the inside rather than things you attain on the outside.
Ready to get started?